When I was a kid in Royal Rangers (the Christianized version of Boy Scouts) we had to memorize scriptures to receive certain badges. One of the first ones that I can remember memorizing was Psalm 23. It's a beautiful passage that speaks of God's presence with us even when we walk through the "valley of the shadow of death".
For the last 15 months or so, it seems that my family has camped out in that valley rather than passing through it. In March of 2010 my father-in-law passed away. Then just about 2 months ago my sister-in-law died suddenly at the age of 33. Yesterday afternoon as I got into my car to head home from church I received the call from my brother that my grandmother, Grammy Mac as she's affectionately known to her 17 grandchildren, had passed on from this world into eternity.
Later in the afternoon I commented to Rita that in their few short years on this earth, my children have already experienced much more of death's effects than I had at their age. They are privileged in many respects in that they were both born while their great-great-grandmother was still living, but while I was fairly insulated from family members dying until I was a teenage, they have already tasted the bitterness of death four times in their brief years.
I was able to visit my grandmother one last time on Thursday afternoon. She slept most of the time I was there, and I'm not sure she was exactly aware of who I was even when I told her my name. She did talk to me for a moment before I left when I told her I had to leave to go back to Rhode Island. I told her I loved her, and she said that she loved me; that was enough for me. When she died Sunday around noon she was surrounded by her children and some grandchildren as well. She left this earth as I will always remember her - the center of attention.
In the midst of this personal struggle, I've come to appreciate even more the church that God has blessed me with. I don't claim to be a perfect pastor, and I wouldn't claim that we have a perfect church, but I will say that I believe God has perfectly matched me together with the people in our community whom I need, and who in turn need me. God does this so well, so expertly that we could easily take it for granted and not appreciate the comfort and strength he provides to us in the form of the friends and family that surround us.
But I'm learning to appreciate this more with every passing day. I'm sure there will come a time when our family will move out from the valley of the shadow of death, and I know that on that day I'll still have some beautiful friends who will walk with me. I also know that some day those friends will walk through their own valleys, and God will ask me to travel with them for a while as they journey in sadness and silence.
The 23rd psalm opens with the evocative words that the Lord is my shepherd. When he called me to be a pastor, he laid some of that mantle on me to shepherd his people in a way that would reflect his care for them. I've done my best to fulfill that calling with honor and respect for God and his people. Little did I know or understand that, when I needed it most, he would shepherd me through them.
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